This week has been one that shall live in my mind as the week from hell. Ive been so friggin busy tryin to get my shyt together and then watching my goddaughter on top of it all. INSANITY!!!!! It all just makes me want to scream! Oh well....The weekend comes soon and i shall be able to relieve my stress. Anywho...i just cant seem to stop thinking about this girl. Shes constantly in my mind..WTF?!! I swear...i try not to think about her and the minute im having a good time with ppl and not thinkin of her...she just pops right back up into my head. Shes so gorgeous and so friggin adorable....i mean...shes the first one who has held me all night without letting me go. I wish Hollie could have been that way but fuck her bitch ass cuz she aint gonna hold me anymore. Shes not even worthy of being with me. I hope that things work out with me and this new girl. I mean..shes not my gf or anything...but damn im hoping she will be. Shes taken my breath away and its not the beauty that has taken it...its her personality and thats what makes her beautiful. I mean..shes gorgeous enough all on her own but...her personality is what makes her even more beautiful. Im wanting her like crazy and shes moving closer to me which makes things all the more better and more interesting. Im hoping that i see her Friday cuz i think she wanted to hang out on friday. Im hoping we do. I just wanna attack her with hugs, bites and kisses!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Well..enough babble...Im gonna be going now..i gotta get up early for my daily wake n bake! HAHA! Im out now yall! Blessed be to all! \m/
So the last couple of weeks or so have been quite interesting and very tiring. Ive recently met this gorgeous girl. I mean...Shes so gorgeous that her beauty just takes my breath away. I cant stand it when all i can seem to think about is her. GOD I DONT WANT HER TO BE ANOTHER HOLLIE! UGH! I dont know....I mean....i cant help the way i feel but....i guess ill have to wait and see what happens. Hopefully some good comes out of it all. Newayz..onto another subject, ive been watching my goddaughter and its been hellish. Shes a handfull. Always whining about everything. I swear im not fit to be a godmother or anything like that. Im not fit to be watching children. I hate kids. I dont even want any of my own. They are the most annoying little creatures ever. I mean....I dont mind running around and acting like a maniac with kids cuz its fun but....when you have to watch them everyday....it just gets to you. I dont know how some ppl can do it. I know that one thing is for sure....getting up at 8 in the morning is not working for me. I HATE IT! I can understand if im getting up for a real job but this isnt even payin me that well so i dont even know why the fuck im doing it. Im expected by my best friends husband to stay at home and watch his fuckin kid while hes out doing who knows what. I dont even know if he even tells the truth about him really going to work cuz he is known to be a pathological liar. FUCKIN LIARS!!! UGH! If hes not really working...im not doing his dirty work for him. Thats his kid and he should be spending more time with her. But thats if hes not working. If he is then i have no problem. But everyday is too much for me. I have a life and it doesnt consist of having children in it. GOD I HATE KIDS! Oh well...newayz...im tired as fuck. I wanna go crash cuz ive been up since fucking 7:30 this morning. So im out now. PZ!
Well..Nothing to do tonite. Been stuck in the house all night and day. Oh well..I always have my book and my guitar. So newayz...Ive been reading a great book lately. Its called wraeththu. The writer just writes so beautifully. Its almost as if i can touch, taste, and smell everything thats described. It paints a perfect picture in my mind. Newayz....onto another subject. Hollie wrote me another damned letter. WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE WANT FROM ME!!! She keeps talking to me even when she knows it hurts me. Why??? I guess she loves the attention i give her..... she just sucks it up like a leech. I love her so much and yet she treats me like im nothing. She never calls me or writes me enough...its almost as if im slowly being forgotten. I know one thing is for sure...i will never forget her. She was my first FIRST love. How can anyone forget someone they fell head over heels inlove with. I hope that one day things turn around for the best and she does come back to me. I miss her so much. I hate her yet i love her. Oh how i pitty myself for being stupid and blind. But such is the way of love. It hurts yet it feels so good. It hurts so good shall i say. Well...onto another subject....I cant wait to go to Punta Cana in September. Its going to be beautiful there. I can lay on the beach and read and listen to music and relax. I can get the hell away from Germantown. I hate it here more than anyone could ever know. It seems that most the ppl i have met here in Germantown are fake ass ppl who dont give a damn. I am so sick of fake ppl. WHEN WILL I EVER FIND SOMEONE WHO IS GENUINE AND REAL!?!?!?! Newayz..I have met this hott goth chick in montgomery village. Shes gorgeous..Ive never seen such a beauty. She gives meaning to the name Gothic Goddess. MMMM!! I love me some goth women! Oh well...Im out now. Ive got to catch up on my reading now. I gotta finish this book by next week. Hopefully i will. Newayz..Goodnight to all and i shall write later. PZ!
Love takes a toll on my insatiable heart....
Im so lonely. It seems as time goes on i become more and more alone. Its very sad. I wish sometimes that Hollie would come back to me but i know that wont happen. Shes toooo rapped up in her fucking mind games. And Tomm..Well...I cant help it...I have it so bad for him. I wish he could only see how bad i want him. I am almost starving for his touch again. Why do i miss him so much? I dont understand why im having these feelings towards him. Im so fond of him. Jon wuz right about one thing...I am a straight up lesbian but id be pining for Tomm alwayz. Hes right about that! Which iz very unlikely since hes never right about anything! lol. Onto another subject....Megan should be coming to see me soon. I love chillin with her and Justin. Theyre the shyt! I have so much fun when im with them and they are kool pplz and thats a first for me to meet ppl online who really are kool ppl. Those are my homiez! lol. I also jammed with Mike and it was tight. We actually sounded really good. I never thot id be able to play with someone else without screwing up. BUT I DONT SCREW UP NO MORE! Im one step closer to joining a band. I cant wait. I love Music and it is my life and if i never had it id be dead and thats no lie. I have been having the strangest dreams lately tho. Ive been dreaming about me killing ppl with the characters of house of 1,000 corpses. Its crazy cuz in my dream i ripped off this jack russel terriers head cuz it wuz barking too much and then i blew up this car full of its owners and then watched otis finish off these cheerleader bitches. He shot them in the head 20 times. The blood splattered up into my face and i licked it off me. Baby came in and gave me a lap dance while bathed in the blood of another. The dream wuz crazy. I woke up thinking..."Normal ppl dont have these kinds of dreams!" lol. It doesnt help that i went to see The Devils Rejects when it came out and let me say...THAT MOVE IZ BAD FUCKING ASS! I loved it! If you cant handle sic and twisted shyt then dont go see it cuz its a fucked up movie. Its so evil i love it! TOMM!!! GO SEE IT IF YOU ALREADY HAVENT! ITS THE SHYT! Newayz...Im out now. Im gonna go finish reading my new book. Pz!
Well ive decided that its time to let go of some of the ppl ive been chillin with lately. Its not that im tryin to be a bitch or anything but ppl have gotten so cruddy. Its now in my life that im starting to realize who my real friends are. Yall know who you are and i love yall. Its just that lately ppl i know who are just aquaintances have been getting into some deep trouble and im not tryin to be a part of all that stupid shyt. Im an adult now. I cant be hanging out with ppl who act like fuckin children. Im so sick of the bullshit thats been going on in my life. Its time to leave it all behind and start a new. Newayz..I saw Tom yesterday. I love him to death. Hes like a big giant teddy bear. *hugs tom* Btw...Tom...If youre reading this...we should hang out sometime. Ive been missing your company man. Newayz...Im out now. Ive got places to go and ppl to see. Pz yall!
"Our hearts are connected by a thread that will never break." Thats a lie! Hollie I HATE YOU! I hate her but i love her and yet i wuz only used and taken advantage of just because i wuz stupid and inlove. ARGH! Love can be so over rated! Fuck being inlove now! Im so sick and tired of being mistreated and used. FUCK THAT SHYT! If she didnt want to be with me all she had to say wuz that she didnt want to be with me. ITS NOT THAT HARD! She could have told me that she didnt want to take the relationship seriously but no....nobody tells me these things cuz they can be lying sacks of shyt! FUCK THE WORLD! IM GONNA GET HIGH! *pulls out pipe and packs it with huge amounts of weed* Newayz...enuff about that fuckin broad! Im stuck here in Baltimore with no more weed left. I just smoked my last of it and now it seems that there is no more. Nobody can find it! That really sux. If i could just go back home now id be happy and lazy and high. But i cant live my life that way all the time. Thats why im here in baltimore makin money. When i get back im gettin some good ass weed and im not moving or doing anything. I need a break from work. Fuckin trying to sit at a desk for 5 hours when u have ADHD doesnt mix. I cant sit still. Fuck this shyt! Im gettin back into automechanics. Oh well....Money iz money. And ill do what i gotta do to make it. Well im out now! Duty calls. Pz!
I miss my Jaime.... *whines* Shes my baby! I wish she was here. I hope to see her soon. I cant wait for her to get off of lockdown soon. Then...were gonna hang out and be lunchboxes together like we always are. Shes crazy like me and i love her! hehe..
I cant wait to see Otep live again. This time im gonna make my move if i can. Cuz I cannot miss the oppertunity to give Otep a giant kiss on the lips. I will show my love for her. I dont care if i become her personal sex slave. She can do me anyway she wants to. hehe. I know I know.....Only in my dreams. But hey...I can dream big cant i? So fuck all yall naysayers! Newayz...I must go now...My gayness is calling me! (one of my best friends is called gayness). PZ out!
So i just made this new blog. Hope its eye candy for others to look at. I really dont have much to write about right now but i shall write more later on. Well im out now. PZ!
